Shoot to Kill
Law school, being like high school, has its own unique set of social norms. Many are axiomatic: Don’t sleep with your classmates. Or with your professors, for that matter. Don’t say things that you don’t want everyone else to know (because they will find out). Just generally, don’t act like a jackass.
The most important social norm in law school is obvious to those of us on the “inside,” but completely foreign to everyone else: Don’t be a gunner. As a matter of fact, this unspoken rule is so painfully obvious that I was hesitant to even rehash it here.
Gunners are those assholes who raise their hands in class and talk just to hear themselves and prove how smart they are and how, as a matter of fact, they are that much smarter than you. They want to flex their intellectual muscle. This is probably an effort to make up for their microscopic penises, being that a good 95% of the gunners in law school are males. First year professors are not friendly to the ego, and as such, generally beat the gunner-ness out of them by the end of first year (or first semester, if they’re really good).
But sometimes people slip under the radar and continue to act like asshats well after first year, entirely oblivious to the fact that they are subject to the hatred and vitriol of an entire class. While I thought I’d escaped most of the gunners long ago, I was rudely informed otherwise this semester – a semester where my patience is thin and my tolerance for bullshit even thinner.
I’m lucky enough to have in my 16-person Copyright class a 2L gunner of epic proportions. Affectionately known by his class as the 43L, the Copyright Gunner has a Ph.D. in Asshattery and loves parading his irrelevant knowledge and high-horse attitude before the class on a regular basis.
Not only does he interrupt both classmates and the professor on a regular basis, but his holier-than-thou attitude makes me roll my eyes so hard I end up with a headache by the time class is over. Example:
Prof. Copyright: Okay, I’ll raise my hand too since I’ve done it, so don’t feel like you’re incriminating yourself or anything: Who in here has committed copyright infringement?
[Entire class, save the 43L, raises their hands.]
Prof. Copyright, to 43L: Come on, you’ve never committed copyright infringement?
43L: No, I haven’t.
[Commence eye-rolling.]
Prof. Copyright: Never?
43L: No. I’ve copied articles for educational purposes, but as an author, I would never commit copyright infringement.
[Oh, barf.]
Prof. Copyright (who is incidentally a well-published author and academic), smirking: Well, I’m an author, too. But that doesn’t mean I have never infringed a copyright.
You get the picture. Many of his comments also begin with the preamble, “In my experience…” or “If I may…”
I swear, before this semester is over, I am going to snap. I’m going to duct tape his mouth shut and beat him over the head with my Copyright book. Infringe that, asshole.
Lesson to be learned, kids: Don’t. Be. A. Gunner.
There is this one gunner in my section that everyone pretty much hates, yet he has no idea why he has no friends, lol.
I’ve updated my url for google reasons. If you’d like to update your blogroll it is now http://www.buffalodawg1.blogspot.com
Angela – Yep, that’s usually how it works. There was a terrible gunner my 1L year that the class absolutely despised. Yet when informed of how annoying it was when he jeopardized class time, he insisted that he was entitled to have his questions answered. Hello, office hours? Asshat.
Buffalodawg – Duly noted and changed. Thanks for the head’s up. Don’t blame you for changing it, seeing as how employers are now regularly Googling their interviewees to dig up dirt. As such, I try my best to keep myself relatively anonymous and in fact regularly Google myself to see if my blog comes up. So far, I’m safe.
I think 43L was a guest speaker in my torts class last semester. I feel your pain.
Just pray you don’t end up in a class with him next semester. If you are unlucky enough to, then drop immediately.
LST, I think you’ll enjoy this.
Like the blog. I’ve added a link on my own which is a fictional diary of a pupil barrister in England (see http://babybarista.blogspot.com). Cross links much appreciated though no worries if not. Best wishes, BabyBarista
yeah, that guy sits 3rd row center in all of my classes. although he’s known as “professor in terms of” around here, because, well, that’s how he starts every friggin’ question.
thanks for the break from my MSJ.
[...] Develop relationships. Once you have settled into the school routine, begin developing relationships with professors who you might want to provide you with recommendations. It’s okay to demonstrate genuine interest in a class, but do not become a gunner. [...]
[...] some point I also realized that gunners will always be gunners, even after law school is but a fleeting and distant memory. One of the Career Law Clerks they [...]
we had a gunner, who quickly realized within the first month that she had no friends, and admitted it was due to her constant interruptions! we were amazed…. of course, she still does it, but at least with a little less of an attitude.
Seems like this guy is the asshatter. In my experience, it is easier to hate than to understand.
A name like Parson Browne reeks of douchebaggery. I guess your spot-on entry hit ol’ Gunner Browne a bit too close to home.
I haven’t figured out which I hate more, the Gunner, or the people that don’t do the reading.
Both waste class time. In fact, the lazy bastards waste more, because the Prof. will grill them for 5-10 min. or longer. The gunners while annoying waste less time per class, and for the most part they actually do the readings.
I am in my first semester of law school, and I was worried I was a gunner until I realized there was a huge difference between asking relevant questions/engaging the material (What I do) and between answering blatantly obvious question, asking blatantly obvious questions, talking about personal experiences, and making hypothetical statements (not questions) which is pretty much what all the other students who raise their hand on average, every single class. I don’t think raising your hand every class to ask a questions qualifies you as a gunner.
Ask yourself this:
Why are you raising your hand?
Are you giving other people a chance to talk/shine?
Are you agreeing with others or just constantly challenging to make yourself look good?
The diff between the answers determines your gunner status.
Cheers.
Hahahaha!!! This lightened my mood. Thank you.