I just wanted to let you know that I thoroughly enjoyed watching your over-ranked, overrated, spoiled brat Trojans get beat by the unranked UCLA Bruins this evening. Although it does not take much at this point to distract me from studying for Secured Transactions, I consciously disregarded my academic duties in order to watch you lose. It gave vastly more pleasure than would a workable knowledge of Article 9.

Pete, you have to admit it’s been coming for a long time. The commentators have been whispering about it for some time. After so many near misses (despite a very poor strength of schedule), it was inevitable.

The fact that your team is vastly overrated is not the only reason that I hate y’all. You and your team have consistently shown not only a massive sense of entitlement, but also a shocking lack of class. Annoyingly overrated Matt Leinart, who is, notably, currently whiling away his days as a mediocre pro QB for the Arizona Cardinals, refused to give kudos to Vince Young after the Longhorns topped the Trojans in the National Championship last year. Even worse, he went so far as to suggest that he was the one deserving accolades.

Fast forward to today, Petey. In the last few minutes of the game, when it was clear you were going to lose, one of your players started hitting the UCLA ball carrier in a desperate and shameful move that should have been clearly called a personal foul. And after your stunning loss to UCLA, Coach Dorrell had to come all the way over to your sideline to shake your hand. He appeared gracious and humble. You looked disgruntled. Way to be good sportsmen.

Come play in the SEC, ACC or any other conference that doesn’t have a bunch of pussies in it, and your team might actually be revealed for what it is. Until then, I hope you wake up tomorrow with the taste of defeat still in your mouth.

Lots of love,

LST

My only question is, Where the hell have y’all been all season?

In some ways it makes me more angry about our dismal season. It would be one thing to say that the team didn’t have the talent, which places a natural ceiling on our ability to win. But they clearly have the talent; they showed that yesterday. Which means that in the ridiculous losses we’ve suffered, they have lacked the dedication, drive and focus necessary to bring home the win. And that is what disappoints me most.

The judge told Britney that she had “put her modern sexuality squarely, and profitably, before the public eye.”

In other words, Britney, you’re a highly paid hooker. Which therefore makes you libel-proof when people talk about how you get down and dirty under the sheets. Or in front of a video camera.

I thought most celebrities had learned a lesson after the Pam-and-Tommy fiasco, but apparently Britney has surprised us yet again with her stunning idiocy. Well played, Britney, well played.

We lost. Again. That makes us 3-4 in our conference. Granted, it’s a tough conference, but last year we finished the regular season with two losses and proceeded to steamroll over our opponents in the conference championship to secure a BCS bowl game.

At least my undergrad alma mater won today, beating the mighty Dartmouth Big Green, 28-25. Despite the fact that watching them play football is what I would envision Special Olympics football to be.

We are unlikely to secure any bowl game this year, and if by some miracle we do, it will be some crap ass bowl like the Cereal Bowl or the Toilet Bowl.

And the value of my degree will plummet forthwith. Because everyone knows that in the South, your football team’s success factors proportionately into your law school’s USNWR ranking. Obvs.

It undoubtedly breaks many twenty-something women’s hearts, as they swooned over Doogie as little girls.

I mean, who can resist a 16-year-old doctor who keeps a journal on a computer that still runs MS-DOS?

Yeah, me either.

Lo and behold, E. Spat has linked me. Thanks, E. Spat!

I am just sad that Terrell Owens wasn’t more successful. Hopefully this little incident killed his sperm so he can’t procreate and produce more insipid, egomaniacal asshats. Just go away, Terrell.

No more spinach, yay. I was happy to end my thoughts on the matter there. But as CNN kept covering the issue as the main story on CNN.com because there is nothing more newsworthy going on, I got to thinking, “How the hell does e. coli get into spinach to begin with?” And as you know, thinking is a dangerous thing.

Lets run through the possibilities here. First, it has been suggested that the irrigation water was contaminated. Okay, I can buy that. Second, perhaps the fertilizer used in the fields somehow introduced the angry little bacteria into the spinach fields. After all, it is cow poop. Fine, I can deal with that too.

But then I had an epiphany – There are no Porta Potties in the spinach fields. And certainly you can understand the logical inference there. EW.

Please, CNN – Save me. Give me something better to think about so I don’t have to conjecture about what migrant farm workers do in the spinach fields.

Sadly, I will never be able to look at spinach artichoke dip the same way ever again.

I entered “John Mayer” and Pandora created a playlist of great music, including Paul Simon’s “Father and Daughter” and Better Than Ezra’s “Rosealia.” Pretty nifty.

Check it out and let me know what you think. Thanks to Marc for the heads up on it!